Halloween 2000

Halloween 2000
You called me perfect
I never knew why but it made me fly
You, you I worshipped
The coolest guy I ever met in my life
Now I’m stranded on a war ship
Looking at myself across the way
I’m tired of feeling this way
but I look across the sea and see a smile on my face
Memories of Halloween
Decided you and Justin would chill with me.
Watch 106 and Park on B.E.T.
Seemed like Lil’ Bow Wow won every week.
You just randomly said “If you think about it he’s just a kid that raps…still a shitty piece of pop crap.”
I laughed so hard at that.
It was a laugh I hadn’t had
since I became sick
and couldn’t see my friends or go to school.
I wonder if you decided to stay and sit
because something you knew told you I needed you to.
It was the beginning of an unbreakable bond.
On the Bible and Jesus’ name I swore you were truly my big brother.
You swore it yourself “Word to God.”
While my biological brother put others
first
But for some reason I became a priority to you.
My family was so fucked up in priorities causing so much hurt
but you healed so much of it just letting me hangout with you.
It’s strange now not having that person to talk to
when my own family makes me feel so alone.
Like I know we’re still connected in spirits and souls
But it’s not the same as the physical
even though I keep getting told
it’s stronger now that you’re in the spiritual.
I don’t know
but what I do know
is from that memory of 2000 Halloween
we handed out candy and agreed
Lil’ Bow Wow was just a kid who could rap…
Still he was a pop piece of crap.
Halloween 2000 – I miss that day and my laugh.

Sister Renegades

Sister Renegades
Life has its ups and downs 

and I know right now

you see mostly down 

but you’ll someday look around 

with a smile that you made it through 

I see so much potential in you and I wonder how can’t you? 

But I know it’s so much easier to see the bad view than look at the world that has its arms around you. 

You don’t need love to make you special – look deep in yourself and realize your real potential 

Right now I see you reaching out for help and the only thing I can say is love yourself 

It’s not as simple as it sounds 

You gotta do the work and not be afraid to reach out. 
Everything happens for a reason 

and you can instantly be deterred from your path  

but the thought of your hurt past can be overwhelming enough to set yourself back 

but you can get back on that path. 

I’ll always do all I can to help you stand 

and continue to walk your path even if I have to drag you by the hand. 

I know I’m not the only one with unconditional love for you

Who’s willing to guide you through

whatever you need to. 

Many can help but no one can stand in your way unless you choose to let them do so

but eventually the pain we gotta let go 

Move forward and continue 
The blood of fighters and survivors run through your veins 

We can’t let their love for their descendants go in vain 

You’re the Seventh Generation that they prayed would survive to this day.

To think of the strength they held onto for you, their love you can never 

lose. 

The admiration of your own descendants seven generations from now is what we fight for 

It’s what you fight for! 
You got to fight for yourself

Quit fighting yourself. 

You’re the only one seeing everything as hopeless 

But keep your head up, mind focus and eyes wide open. 

The universe will fall into place

Until then we face what the Creator puts in our way but this I pray you smile and laugh everyday. 

It’s how we endure and last. 

This here, sister, too shall past. 

Coming From II

2011

My father’s land divided

A grandmother used in sexual slavery 

Beginning alocohlism & family violence

But a woman of great sacrifice & bravery

Who was made to be the sole provider

by the use of her body ordered by her family sent to Seoul 

with a broken soul 

to make money & send it back home. 

A father adopted at 12 

put through Hell 

until he could speak English good… Or well. 

The rest of his life misunderstood so throwing himself into work. 

Work 4 jobs drink away a lifetime of hurt 

so he doesn’t have to think of the pain caused by both his families. 

A Korean American tragedy. 

I come from a mother with no clue on her identity 

her dad becoming an enemy 

therefore is no friend to me though I long for some sort of grandfather-granddaughter memories. 

More stories of Napi & the Blackfeet 

but Native Grandpa don’t like Koreans even halfbreeds. 

I come from a mom tenacious at times audacious never took a vacation. 

I come from a childhood at the farmers markets. 

Only able to afford clarence K-mart never any jeans from Target. 

Eating ramen noodles on a daily

different flavors maybe. 

Embarrassed by how this look made me. 

Friends with nice clothes 

Fashionable 

Grandma’s wisdom inevitable 

“Child at least you got clothes. Food too is all you need to know”

I was Grandma’s girl. 

She was my world 

So what Grandma says GOES

but still the shame my shoes aren’t the same 

I don’t have an authentic jersey with anyone’s name. 

I think back – was I really that vain?

I guess in a way you can see it. 

As much as my dad didn’t seem it

He had to have the nice stereos and CDs. 

Impulsive purchases of TVs. 

Made fights between my mom and him easy. 

I stand back looking at the people I hail from. 

Sometimes wanting to say “ah hell no”

but despite the chronic fights 

we did have some fun

and everything was years ago. 

We’re doing all right

Despite all the generations and trauma we’ve come from. 

Back At Him

2011. Dedicated to my little sister Rose. 

I had a little sister growing up. 

Daughter of family friends but there was no difference in the sibling fights & love. 

Her dad stepped out of the picture so my once shy little sister got back at him by being an easy fuck

getting her ass tossed up

And I remain so hesitant to call her a slut

But it is what it is 

It plays with my head a little bit

Because back when we were little kids

She was so annoying & meek

Clenching tightly to her mom’s hand walking down Nicollet

Helping at the Farmers’ Market that week

I hit her up on her facebook page

Message her to think of pregnancy & Aids

Now she dates a man twice her age

But her mindset is lower than her own age

I tell her to please behave

I can’t handle seeing another sibling in the grave

But she gets pissed & won’t respond. 

Anybody else I’d just move on

and hand it off to God

and not look back at them

But I don’t want my little sister gone

because of her dad – her trying to get back at him. 
Look, I held in a lot of anger & rage

Attempted to drug up & drink away the pain

but it didn’t bring back Gabe

Just left me in a black cloud drowning in self-toxic loathing rain. 

Gave Andy my life when he already took my brother’s. 

It’s fucked up my mind & so many years I’ve suffered

It’s taken me too long to discover

Substance abuse doesn’t bring me any comfort 

but it’s not successful at getting back at him. 
Listen little sis, nothing gets back at them. 

As much as you wanna change what happened 

or make them see what they put you through 

you only put more through of you than they ever cared to. 

For My Little Sisters: Yeo Dong-seng

Doors and windows close
and I know some days
we feel so alone
waiting for the pain to go away.
There’s one thing I truly do know:
it’s hard to keep the faith
but we lose it so easily though
believing prayers are just waste
because we get no direct answers
it takes so much time
we just want the meanings to come faster
to the point is wrecks havoc on our minds.
I wish I could take your burden
off of your shoulders
but I am certain
these hardships will soon be over
and in the end leave us a better person
stronger and older
keep your head up
and eyes open
This isn’t the last time life will be tough
but we have to keep goin’.

 I’ve been to the bottom
hitting it hard and face first
we each have different problems
and feel different hurts
but it’s best to have support as we try to solve them
so don’t dismiss me when you’re in thirst
and I have enough water just for you
With every rock I’ve hit…
trust me, you can get through –
I won’t allow you to quit.
Days are dark
but the future will always be bright
you’ll find a door ajar
while still walking through the night
because when something is so hard
it takes a true fight
to get so far
and make things right.
But so long as I’m here
as your big sister, your Unni,
don’t be scared
instead trust me
because I’ve been to the bottom
so many times before
yours – I can’t solve them
and I can’t guarantee opening many doors
but if you follow
I’ll do all I can to get you to safety
while sharing your sorrow
these days will soon be the past and hazy
that I do know
and I’ll be honest
right now the doors and windows are closed
but something will open
that I, your Unni, can promise.