For Lexi, Breydon, Gabe, Serenity, Zoey, Zane, and Zyla – Auntie loves you so much. I can’t explain how much you fill my heart with love and joy.
Tears rush down my face.
My pen continues to write
as tears drop onto the page.
I look up and see the apples of my eyes.
3 brothers brought together.
4 sisters reunited with their brother.
I wish I could hold onto this moment forever.
They patiently waited to be united with each other.
Brothers instantly form a bond.
Big sister make it clear she’s the boss
and I put my hand and thanks to God
the 7 siblings are no longer loss.
After so many years they’re together again.
My tears are from intense happiness.
So with this damped paper and pen
I can write down that this is what my happy is.
For my nephew Gabriel Isaiah Mattison. Auntie loves you so much.
My soul is torn
I try to use metaphors
to describe the hurt I feel
Sometimes I have to stand still
because my chest gets tight.
I have to bottle the pain inside
Once I cry I go from morning to midnight
I can’t breathe.
You’re my favorite person to see
but you don’t recognize me.
Tears stay still
I can’t breathe
from all the pain I feel
I miss my nephew.
That little boy that had to be with auntie.
From the moment of your birth you had me.
I was wrapped around your little fingers.
This is why this pain so intensely lingers.
I can’t think of any metaphor
to describe the pain anymore.
It just hurts so much to not see you.
For you not to remember you’re my nephew.
Seriously if I could just hold and protect you
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do.
If I could take your pain away
I’d add it to my own
just so you could smile and feel safe
God the way things had to unfold
I’ll never understand.
Once upon a time you were my right had man
Really the only thing I had.
I can still feel your sticky little hand
wrapped in mine.
Passed has so much time
and she’s washed your mind.
She lost her mind.
Manipulative and using you as a little kid…
I just don’t get it.
I just don’t get it.
You deserved so much more…
I wish I could use a simple metaphor
but it’s all been used before.
There’s just no longer a metaphor.
I’m sorry I can’t say much more.