For my nephew Gabriel Isaiah Mattison. Auntie loves you so much.
My soul is torn
I try to use metaphors
to describe the hurt I feel
Sometimes I have to stand still
because my chest gets tight.
I have to bottle the pain inside
Once I cry I go from morning to midnight
I can’t breathe.
You’re my favorite person to see
but you don’t recognize me.
Tears stay still
I can’t breathe
from all the pain I feel
I miss my nephew.
That little boy that had to be with auntie.
From the moment of your birth you had me.
I was wrapped around your little fingers.
This is why this pain so intensely lingers.
I can’t think of any metaphor
to describe the pain anymore.
It just hurts so much to not see you.
For you not to remember you’re my nephew.
Seriously if I could just hold and protect you
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do.
If I could take your pain away
I’d add it to my own
just so you could smile and feel safe
God the way things had to unfold
I’ll never understand.
Once upon a time you were my right had man
Really the only thing I had.
I can still feel your sticky little hand
wrapped in mine.
Passed has so much time
and she’s washed your mind.
She lost her mind.
Manipulative and using you as a little kid…
I just don’t get it.
I just don’t get it.
You deserved so much more…
I wish I could use a simple metaphor
but it’s all been used before.
There’s just no longer a metaphor.
I’m sorry I can’t say much more.
All these politics
I try my best not to follow it
but the addict behavior falls back on it.
My apologies for the rant that is
about to foam from my lips
but I’m tired of political bullshit.
Media more outrage a peon politician tweeted his dick
than the shutdown that’s gonna get
even more unemployed
so excuse me if I come off annoyed
but the passive democrats no longer voice my voice
and I’m hearing more Tea-Bagging noise
than I can hear my own thoughts
That I almost forgot
I too can get dressed, put on my shoes & socks
Get others pumped up enough
to get Bachmann out shouted or shut up’d.
But everyone seems lethargic
Maybe it’s from the chemical poisons
or laziness manifested & harden
that we accept unemployment.
So why the fvck am i paying taxes for
this type of environment crime thrives in
The unemployed with no benefits to get back on our feet are gonna riot when
we can’t provide our kids
the basic necessities of life
We gonna eat each other alive
to try to get
on top of the food chain
because we let government get ran by banks.
The pharmaceuticals are making billions off your pain.
They rather you die from cancer
than find a cure
So there goes your prayers unanswered
But put it on the Creator that the doctors can’t do anymore.
Your uterus is an inconvenience
to your boss.
Faster than a stolen phoenix
that child you always wanted costed you your job.
And you can’t even plan parenthood
because that fundamental Christian bitch across the street
thinks that she should.
No matter how many weeks that parasite you’re made to keep.
You want condoms or birth control to prevent having to choose an abortion?
That’s also in her decision
but once that fetus is here she don’t care he’s an orphan
The fact is making you keep that fetus made her feel a better Christian.
But the other fact is
Because that orphan she doesn’t want to feed.
Why? Because she hates paying taxes.
If only Jesus was still here in the physical
these people wouldn’t listen to Him because His talk of welfare isn’t Biblical enough for these individuals.
Money is the real religion
Christianity, Islam, Judaism isn’t.
Which brings it back to that money in your bank
isn’t your money like you think.
You’re part of the economical food chain
and your reality doesn’t sync
with the fantasies you believe and been ingrained to believe.
Democrat, Republican, Independent
all are titles that wreak
this world is under authoritarian.
Call it the New World Order
or the illuminati
They’re poisoning your waters
and destroying your body.
Ask them if they care…
They’ll just distract you with celebrities or that religion bullshit
Just clear the air
because they won’t do it.
All these politics
it’s enraging to follow shit.
And all you can do is be like ostriches
bury your head in the sand
because where do you begin to stand
and put reality back in your hands?
My feelings for you lie between love, hate, and pity
and I no longer have it in me
to listen to you talk all pretty
the same night you drink and treat my mom shitty
To sleep with my phone on nine
ready to reach for one
because I no longer trust you with her life.
Everything you instilled in me has been undone.
Unraveled in your lust for liquor
in the anger you display.
I fear you but not the effects on your liver
because I’m at the point of
“Whatever makes you die quicker”
so that I don’t have to hear this anymore
you pounding on the door
stomping on the floor
Selfishly thinking others must endure
something you can’t control
and don’t even try to.
What do you do when your hero falls
and you don’t even care that mine’s was you
and you’ve fallen from the face of grace
The one man, who’s supposed to make me feel safe…
You’ve fallen from grace.
11 years gone by
I miss you guy.
I wish I could tell you my troubles
Tell you my struggles
Since you left our lives
The pain, grief, loss burns inside