Ostriches 

2011

All these politics
I try my best not to follow it
but the addict behavior falls back on it.
My apologies for the rant that is
about to foam from my lips
but I’m tired of political bullshit.
Media more outrage a peon politician tweeted his dick
than the shutdown that’s gonna get
even more unemployed
so excuse me if I come off annoyed
but the passive democrats no longer voice my voice
and I’m hearing more Tea-Bagging noise
than I can hear my own thoughts
That I almost forgot
I too can get dressed, put on my shoes & socks
Get others pumped up enough
to get Bachmann out shouted or shut up’d.
But everyone seems lethargic
Maybe it’s from the chemical poisons
or laziness manifested & harden
that we accept unemployment.
So why the fvck am i paying taxes for
this type of environment crime thrives in
The unemployed with no benefits to get back on our feet are gonna riot when
we can’t provide our kids
the basic necessities of life
We gonna eat each other alive
to try to get
on top of the food chain
because we let government get ran by banks.
The pharmaceuticals are making billions off your pain.
They rather you die from cancer
than find a cure
So there goes your prayers unanswered
But put it on the Creator that the doctors can’t do anymore.
Your uterus is an inconvenience
to your boss.
Faster than a stolen phoenix
that child you always wanted costed you your job.
And you can’t even plan parenthood
because that fundamental Christian bitch across the street
thinks that she should.
No matter how many weeks that parasite you’re made to keep.
You want condoms or birth control to prevent having to choose an abortion?
That’s also in her decision
but once that fetus is here she don’t care he’s an orphan
The fact is making you keep that fetus made her feel a better Christian.
But the other fact is
she isn’t.
Because that orphan she doesn’t want to feed.
Why? Because she hates paying taxes.
If only Jesus was still here in the physical
these people wouldn’t listen to Him because His talk of welfare isn’t Biblical enough for these individuals.
Money is the real religion
Christianity, Islam, Judaism isn’t.
Which brings it back to that money in your bank
isn’t your money like you think.
You’re part of the economical food chain
and your reality doesn’t sync
with the fantasies you believe and been ingrained to believe.
Democrat, Republican, Independent
Libertarian
all are titles that wreak
this world is under authoritarian.
Call it the New World Order
or the illuminati
They’re poisoning your waters
and destroying your body.
Ask them if they care…
They’ll just distract you with celebrities or that religion bullshit
Just clear the air
because they won’t do it.
All these politics
it’s enraging to follow shit.
And all you can do is be like ostriches
bury your head in the sand
because where do you begin to stand
and put reality back in your hands?

I Miss You

Why without you can’t I make the right decisions?
I feel like I’m in this vulnerable position 

because you I’m missin’ 

A part me feels missin’

I lost the strength in me. 

They say this isn’t how you’d want me to be 

But as you see

This pitiful being is now me. 

My own parents said I’m weak. 

I cry so hard I lose speech. 

You know I used to always be able to speak. 

You pretty much instilled that aspect in me. 

Now look at me: my own parents called me weak.   

This is a nightmare I can’t wake up from. 

This is the outcome 

when someone you extremely loved 

is suddenly taken from you.   

Nothing I could ever dream of

is not having you to tell me what to do. 

Not having someone to catch me when I fall

and didn’t mind at all

Someone hard for others to get ahold of

but not me, you answered my calls.  

We had such a tight bond. 

You accepted I was a little off and odd

but you swore to God

I was your little sister.  

I put my handle on the Bible and called you my big brother.  

I’ve become so insecure 

and don’t reach out to others. 

No longer even my father and mother. 

They made it clear 

they don’t want to hear 

How I’m feeling here. 

Some days there’s a thickness in the air

and now no one seems to care

That I can’t breathe here. 

You said you always got me. 

I believed you. 

I’m waiting for you in the lobby. 

I need you. 

I’m such a lost cause. 

Two friends gave up 

I’m sure you saw. 

It wouldn’t hurt that much 

if you were to help me not be so lost. 

I’m so tired of crying. 

Burning people out. 

I keep thinking about dying. 

I just want out. 

I only believe in the Afterlife

No such thing as Hell

I’m such a burden that it’d be more of a sacrifice 

than putting others through this Hell. 

I miss you. 

When I got like this 

It’s like you professionally knew what to do. 

You remind me I was your baby sis

and you’d see me through.  

Here I am thinking this. 

I want to be able to be reunited with you

but every time I start to 

someone intervenes 

I just wish the cops and doctors would let me be.  

Problems of a Militant 

Militant minded


Blinded by blood diamonds 

Hollering at the silent 

I can’t stand being quiet

and seeing the world 

just twirl

in blood knowing we’re all behind it. 

Kids fleeing to be reunited

with their mothers trafficked by the Chinese 

So for them to flee to be free

finding the mothers for so long they hadn’t seen 

was futile

and bounty hunters pray on a starving child. 

And this hasn’t just been a short while 

But long and worsening. 

How can money be the first thing 

on the mind instead of human lives? 

It makes me sick inside. 

Countries war torn 

Held captured either by capitalist or ISIS 

Fuck who started it but who profits from behind it!

They got you terrified 

that every Muslim or Arab you walk by 

is a terrorist with some plot in mind

to take your life. 

The reality is it’s so flipped. 

They’re targeted by the paranoid and bigots. 

Refugees burning off their finger tips 

on electrical barbed wires

trying to escape the bombings and fire. 

Only to be in a refugee camp set on fire 

by those who make it difficult

to see they are not the individuals

behind the terror 

They’re the ones surviving the terror. 

Rather it be Syria or France. 

 It’s like no matter the matter they have no chance 

to feel relief and freedom at last. 

Children drowning on the shores of Greece. 

You read and hear these stories then go to bed in peace. 

How does it come down to this? 

The tragic this truly is

I know, like you, how it did come to this. 

The Oklahoma Bombing first described 

the spotting of two Arab guys 

seen nearby. 

How wrong the news outlets were! 

I mean, did it truly ever occur

that the Arab men they identified first 

were on their way to a coffee shop? 

Finding out it was a white man, oh what a shock! 

People of Color fear the police because most likely to be shot. 

People with mental illness fear the police because they’re just as likely to be shot. 

But please, ignore me for being so militant minded. 

For not being quite so blinded

to the fucked up world we people reside in

and practice their right to not give a fuck and to remain silent. 

Park In (Epilespy)

2012

My hands jerk…

My legs jerk… 

My tongue jerks… 

This shit makes me want to join in and be a jerk

Which one of the poisons went to work

Bravo life you were out to make me miserable 

but you know my fucking principle – 

laugh or cry bitch, I’m only in the physical 

You’ll never best me in the spiritual 

Every headache you create I’ll deep down shake. Tears I might make 

will be replaced because I’ll meet that who Creates

Save me from all this pain 

Frontal lob issues. I’m borderline insane. Happiness I could never miss you 

You were too out of my life than in

but fuck it worst can happen in the end 

Pity party for none 

I just look up at the moon and sun 

thinking my life can’t quite be done 

if it only now has begun

This pesky interference is inexperienced 

I try so hard not to take life so serious 

but there are moments when the tears come because I’m hilarious 

laughing off the pain and shame 

It just can’t be that serious 

Yes tears run from eyes 

but in the event of my demise 

Know my spirit lives on in the happiness of every single tear I’ve cried 

and there’s no goodbyes

Not when I die 

Only say goodbye when I’ve been defeated by diseases 

It’s from there I don’t know if life can ever be completed 

I’d live my life in my own eyes miserable and defeated. 

I can’t imagine… how would I even manage… I’ve been through feeling abandoned and vanished I don’t want to go back… Close my eyes I can imagine.  

But until the day my body turns against me 

I’ll scribble my name quickly 

Come back do a 360 

Pump my fist asking who’s going with me? 

Park in when I’m at the darkest all in I’m fallin’ down trodden and crawlin I always had to do shit the hardest so now park in with the she who brings you words as gifts. 
That’s it. 

Question In A Course In Miracles

Wrote this back in 2012 when 2 coworkers were trying to preach to me about ACIM. I had a lot of confusing questions I never got to ask because I was put down for being confused. I think I frustrated them with so many questions. 
Death did not happen 

My Spirit is not affected unless I let it. 

I dictate my own narration in thought. 

I’m a thought of the Creator. Expression. But what is the purpose of me then? 

What is the purpose of working for others if I am just a thought & perfect as am regardless? 

Can we not decide when the thought is over? 

If I am a thought who is real? My senses are limited so how do I know? 

If what keeps me from my brother and I is my limited senses what causes me to feel him near? If he is just energy and atoms then we’re not separated because my ego created him but we’re all one spirit. But if we’re all one spirit then others are spirits a part of my dream. So in that sense everyone is “real” but a part of this dream I am in. 

Nothing exists but the Now and what my limited sense perceive. The chair in front of me exists because my sight sees it but theres plenty of things between the chair and I that I do not see – but what kinds of things? Atoms, is that it? 

If I can wake up any moment why am I not? 

If the only thing in the Now exists how do you go home with kimch’i I’ve given you? Our Nows change then come together when we speak? 

If there is a crack that brings light what is the crack? Isn’t it people but people aren’t real so neither is the crack. The dark and light do not exist, so where am I? 
I’m part of a divine spirit and its thought then why is there a call to repent? Why is there millions of names for our divinity when it is a part of us? If we are one spirit shattered into pieces how do we come together and are so different? 
How did you derive to this belief? 

Just One Word

2012

I’d give anything to find that one word 

that once written would heal all hurt. 

I’ve been feeling like the pain that occurs

could be at ease if I end the search. 

Anything to describe the pain and anguish inside 

but it seems the more I try

the more that word slithers by. 

Maybe the English language isn’t sufficient enough? 

Maybe I need to give up 

surrender to the rut 

because I’m sensing I can’t get over this funk. 

It gets so bad I just want to feel numb 

but that’s not even an option. 

This obsession I know I need to stop it 

I’m trapped in depression and there’s just no talkin’. 

I’m mine own worst enemy 

but I just want to block all memories

even what you had meant to me

because it weighs on my chest so heavily. 

I’m gonna be the death of me. 
So I take a pencil or rapoem over an instrumental I’ve gone mental and I can’t let go. 

All the paper I wasted

Shit all the time I’ve wasted 

there’s nothing in the dictionary I should just face it. 

I can’t, something has got to make sense. 

I need to tie up loose ends, 

So I guess I’ll try again. 

Write again but I’m feigning for that Heineken 

what part about I need your guidance 

are we not getting? 

I can no longer avoid this  

I’m remembering as I stand on a cliff your jokes of the lemmings 

I just want different choices. 

Coming up with something shouldn’t be this hard

maybe I just can’t read these cards

I have such a broken heart 

that it’s torn me apart. 

It’s not the time to breakdown 

but I’m going to anyways 

You’re still not around 

I’m so lonely these days. 

I don’t wish death on anyone else

but it should’ve been anyone else 

even if it was me – I’m so deep in anguish it’s a living hell. 
I need a different language 

find something to fix this anguish 

it’s like the word is blocked from my brain blanketed by pain. 

Maybe I’m pass the point of insane 

To the point of functional wreck that maintains.