I Miss You

Why without you can’t I make the right decisions?
I feel like I’m in this vulnerable position
because you I’m missin’
A part me feels missin’
I lost the strength in me.
They say this isn’t how you’d want me to be
But as you see
This pitiful being is now me.
My own parents said I’m weak.
I cry so hard I lose speech.
You know I used to always be able to speak.
You pretty much instilled that aspect in me.

Now look at me: my own parents called me weak.
This is a nightmare I can’t wake up from.
This is the outcome
when someone you extremely loved
is suddenly taken from you.
Nothing I could ever dream of
is not having you to tell me what to do.
Not having someone to catch me when I fall
and didn’t mind at all
Someone hard for others to get a hold of
but not me, you answered my calls.
We had such a tight bond.
You accepted I was a little off and odd
but you swore to God
I was your little sister.
I put my handle on the Bible and called you my big brother.
I’ve become so insecure
and don’t reach out to others.
No longer even my father and mother.
They made it clear
they don’t want to hear
How I’m feeling here.
Some days there’s a thickness in the air
and now no one seems to care
That I can’t breathe here.

You said you always got me.
I believed you.
I’m waiting for you in the lobby.
I need you.
I’m such a lost cause.
Two friends gave up
I’m sure you saw.
It wouldn’t hurt that much
if you were to help me not be so lost.

I’m so tired of crying.
Burning people out.
I keep thinking about dying.
I just want out.
I only believe in the Afterlife
No such thing as Hell
I’m such a burden that it’d be more of a sacrifice
than putting others through this Hell.

I miss you.
When I got like this
It’s like you professionally knew what to do.
You remind me I was your baby sis
and you’d see me through.
Here I am thinking this.
I want to be able to be reunited with you
but every time I start to
someone intervenes

I just wish the cops and doctors would let me be.

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