I wanna punch out a rhymebut can’t even find
the words I need to describe
what’s going on inside.
My heart is overfilled but broken
I put down my shield & left my heart open.
It’s as if my chest was cracked open again
let someone in & I can’t even begin
to say how great & safe being around them felt within.
But I predicted it would end
to the point I no longer could count them as a friend
It’s just the life I noticed I live
That those who feel like safety
eventually grow to hate me
or we drive each other crazy
or one of us is constantly angry.
I look at them & thanks for whatever purpose brought them into my life
Hate that it’s awkward and we can’t even look each other in the eyes.
It hurts deep inside
but that’s on me to decide
but I fucking hate they feel no remorse inside
that it’s a relief not to talk to me
I feel like a disease disabled in disbelief.
Fuck it, I just wanna bust a rhyme
to describe whatever it is I feel inside.
I try but all the petty shit comes out
It all comes out, it all comes out
I can’t bust a rhyme because all I wanna do is shout
There’s too much brewing inside of me.
Pray to the Creator I’ve lasted this long in sobriety.
Day by day finally
Hitting every landmark I set
I replay 26 years in my head
filled with so many regrets
that it’ll only be freed once I’m dead
And once I’m dead don’t mourn.
Celebrate that I was even born
made it past 18 and much more
There was a lot I got to explore
could’ve done much more
but don’t let me rest in peace
just let me be
Please lord set me free
I’ll be around like I’ve always promised to be in this life
And I’m not ending life
I’m beginning life
this world was never real
There’s just something about how it feels that it felt more like the realm of a dream than something to live in and build
But it’s definitely not unreal
just a different realm
A dream state
It’s why I know I still feel Gabe
if death was real then we would separate
but if he & my deceased are still with me then how’d we separate
Death is just something we create.
I don’t know why I can’t just bust out a fucking rhyme to describe the depths of my mind.
Through all the bullshit I know I have love to the fullest
from those who even cares to know this
Know that I can bust out a rhyme
Know that I either laugh or cry
Don’t just take me for my jokes or political side.
Know my heart, soul, and mind
Take me for what I am
not for who I’ve been
Don’t give a fucking damn
they’re here to the end
For them I want to bust out the greatest rhyme
Write the deepest most beautiful line
I wanna take time to perfectly describe
The internal feeling of safety they make me feel inside.
For them… I just wanna write
everything from the heart
but I have no place to start
because this feeling is so strong that it’s hard
to put words on but I’ll bust out a rhyme and try to start.