Just One Word

2012

I’d give anything to find that one word 

that once written would heal all hurt. 

I’ve been feeling like the pain that occurs

could be at ease if I end the search. 

Anything to describe the pain and anguish inside 

but it seems the more I try

the more that word slithers by. 

Maybe the English language isn’t sufficient enough? 

Maybe I need to give up 

surrender to the rut 

because I’m sensing I can’t get over this funk. 

It gets so bad I just want to feel numb 

but that’s not even an option. 

This obsession I know I need to stop it 

I’m trapped in depression and there’s just no talkin’. 

I’m mine own worst enemy 

but I just want to block all memories

even what you had meant to me

because it weighs on my chest so heavily. 

I’m gonna be the death of me. 
So I take a pencil or rapoem over an instrumental I’ve gone mental and I can’t let go. 

All the paper I wasted

Shit all the time I’ve wasted 

there’s nothing in the dictionary I should just face it. 

I can’t, something has got to make sense. 

I need to tie up loose ends, 

So I guess I’ll try again. 

Write again but I’m feigning for that Heineken 

what part about I need your guidance 

are we not getting? 

I can no longer avoid this  

I’m remembering as I stand on a cliff your jokes of the lemmings 

I just want different choices. 

Coming up with something shouldn’t be this hard

maybe I just can’t read these cards

I have such a broken heart 

that it’s torn me apart. 

It’s not the time to breakdown 

but I’m going to anyways 

You’re still not around 

I’m so lonely these days. 

I don’t wish death on anyone else

but it should’ve been anyone else 

even if it was me – I’m so deep in anguish it’s a living hell. 
I need a different language 

find something to fix this anguish 

it’s like the word is blocked from my brain blanketed by pain. 

Maybe I’m pass the point of insane 

To the point of functional wreck that maintains. 

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