I’d give anything to find that one word
that once written would heal all hurt.
I’ve been feeling like the pain that occurs
could be at ease if I end the search.
Anything to describe the pain and anguish inside
but it seems the more I try
the more that word slithers by.
Maybe the English language isn’t sufficient enough?
Maybe I need to give up
surrender to the rut
because I’m sensing I can’t get over this funk.
It gets so bad I just want to feel numb
but that’s not even an option.
This obsession I know I need to stop it
I’m trapped in depression and there’s just no talkin’.
I’m mine own worst enemy
but I just want to block all memories
even what you had meant to me
because it weighs on my chest so heavily.
I’m gonna be the death of me.
So I take a pencil or rapoem over an instrumental I’ve gone mental and I can’t let go.
All the paper I wasted
Shit all the time I’ve wasted
there’s nothing in the dictionary I should just face it.
I can’t, something has got to make sense.
I need to tie up loose ends,
So I guess I’ll try again.
Write again but I’m feigning for that Heineken
what part about I need your guidance
are we not getting?
I can no longer avoid this
I’m remembering as I stand on a cliff your jokes of the lemmings
I just want different choices.
Coming up with something shouldn’t be this hard
maybe I just can’t read these cards
I have such a broken heart
that it’s torn me apart.
It’s not the time to breakdown
but I’m going to anyways
You’re still not around
I’m so lonely these days.
I don’t wish death on anyone else
but it should’ve been anyone else
even if it was me – I’m so deep in anguish it’s a living hell.
I need a different language
find something to fix this anguish
it’s like the word is blocked from my brain blanketed by pain.
Maybe I’m pass the point of insane
To the point of functional wreck that maintains.