Back At Him

2011. Dedicated to my little sister Rose. 

I had a little sister growing up. 

Daughter of family friends but there was no difference in the sibling fights & love. 

Her dad stepped out of the picture so my once shy little sister got back at him by being an easy fuck

getting her ass tossed up

And I remain so hesitant to call her a slut

But it is what it is 

It plays with my head a little bit

Because back when we were little kids

She was so annoying & meek

Clenching tightly to her mom’s hand walking down Nicollet

Helping at the Farmers’ Market that week

I hit her up on her facebook page

Message her to think of pregnancy & Aids

Now she dates a man twice her age

But her mindset is lower than her own age

I tell her to please behave

I can’t handle seeing another sibling in the grave

But she gets pissed & won’t respond. 

Anybody else I’d just move on

and hand it off to God

and not look back at them

But I don’t want my little sister gone

because of her dad – her trying to get back at him. 
Look, I held in a lot of anger & rage

Attempted to drug up & drink away the pain

but it didn’t bring back Gabe

Just left me in a black cloud drowning in self-toxic loathing rain. 

Gave Andy my life when he already took my brother’s. 

It’s fucked up my mind & so many years I’ve suffered

It’s taken me too long to discover

Substance abuse doesn’t bring me any comfort 

but it’s not successful at getting back at him. 
Listen little sis, nothing gets back at them. 

As much as you wanna change what happened 

or make them see what they put you through 

you only put more through of you than they ever cared to. 

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