Close My Eyes

2011

Close my eyes & rewind

memories in my mind

everything behind

I’ve tried to repress since the homicide but I find

There’s so much I need to acknowledge if I’m to find positive 

Not to belittle myself into an optimist but not everyday do you graduate from college

Just to think months ago

I was too weak to pick up the phone but wasn’t safe to be left alone

Holler at me though because I’m a danger to myself I need help

Therapist said it’s PTSD from a bad week

that I’m not weak

She’s been through it too

You eventually move 

But my mood keeps me out of the loop

Trying to fit the pieces together 

but all I can do is remember

the day was calm perfect weather 

I tried calling you forever 

but whenever I tried it went to voicemail each time it felt like nails

going against the chalkboard. 

We don’t talk on the regular just the consistent so never could my mind afford 

the thought that such could occur – I just, I just couldn’t  

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