On Medicine

Age 24. Some explanation. This was the age I was diagnosed with Bipolar. I had been on medication since age 22 for depression but when they officially diagnosed me with Bipolar I lost all touch with logic and stopped taking my medicine and resented everything. So I originally wrote this as a way to say the medication would make everything worse and alter my reality. Looking at it now I can also see that perhaps I was putting a spiritual element into it. That yes, you need medication to help the chemical imbalances in your brain but also you need to connect to something greater to help see you through. Not to say that something greater is spirituality but just something else to help you cope other than only being medicated. These 3 are heroes of mine and I thought about what might’ve happened if in order to control them they were put on Medicine – I’m in no way calling them mentally ill just again going back to my resentment of the Bipolar and medication.

Black Elk on Medicine:

He didn’t hear the Spirits

He didn’t see the buffalo perish

Everything he ever cherished 

Was swollen away with little red, white, and blue pills

take 3x a day

along with milk or a light meal.

Crazy Horse on Medicine:

He didn’t ride in battle with Custer

He stood back in awe as he watched his people suffer.

Dizzy with side effects he was domesticated

became an Indian police

exactly how “God made it!”

Sitting Bull on Medicine:

He didn’t perform the Sun Dance

Never went into a trance

Never had a chance

to see the White man

riding upside down into his land.

So when they attack

they saw the Medicine Man

handing out Prozac

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4 thoughts on “On Medicine

  1. I was diagnosed Borderline personality disorder with histrionic traits last summer..I started medication after my second post partum depression. I understand what you are talking about. Thanks for sharing.

    • I got diagnosed with BPP too. DBT helps A LOT with it. My therapist explained to me that there is no medication to really treat it as much as therapy and treatment (I was in outpatient twice) does. Mental health diagnosis are so hard to accept. For some reason I was able to deal with being told I had major depression disorder but when the medications for that wasn’t working they knew there was something else going on. I had known deep down for a number of years that I was Bipolar so I did everything I could to avoid being seen as that by my therapists, psychiatrist, and the treatment facilities. I just knew how to lie and hide. It eventually drained me though and after I had been awake for 4-5 days and sat in my therapist’s office I came clean about everything. She said things made sense and she had too suspected I was holding back from her. So even though I expected the diagnosis I didn’t handle it well and like I said lost all touch with logic. As I’ve said in other posts that if it wasn’t for Carrie Fisher I probably would still not be able to accept it. It’s an ongoing battle daily. Taking medication everyday keeps reminding me I’m Bipolar and will always be. I’ve recently had a friend, I thought my bff, turn his back on me because of it. It’s a battle.

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