I got this eagerness mistaken for anxiety
Anxiety mistaken for eagerness.
I know there’s this need to look inside of me
and pull out the leadership
that used to reside in my heart.
That spunk people loved so much
until I told myself it’s too dark
Cut off my own lights and gave up.
I led myself there…
I decided to use every excuse
I could find near
be it death or substance abuse…
I had so many excuses to spare.
Every time I found a match
I threw it to the bottom of the Bottle
Self destructed fast.
Every feeling bottled and swallowed
with the help of the Bottle.
Shook my head of my problems
but they sunk into my heart
Replaced the spunk
became so self-absorbed.
I just gave up
Blocked out every word I heard.
from people who cared wanting to pull me back up
but it’s like I wasn’t there
and despite their love
I didn’t want to get back up.
Down another Bottle.
Endless shots of vodka.
So many pills I wanted to swallow
to escape the trauma…
it’s got a firm grasp
on who I am.
I need more vodka
to numb out feeling its hands.