The stigma kept me quiet
In denial with the demons inside me
all they say is insanity and violence
Living embarrassed and ashamed silently.
Fighting the pain with alcohol
swallowing it down with pills
So many days I still can’t recall
Playing with Seroquel
In vulnerable positions
Depression in control of me
Mania making dangerous decisions
Anxiety ahold of me.
Questioning the diagnosis.
Broke down and suddenly honest with my therapist.
Deep down having known this
so many years with the demons I never wanted to hear of it.
I was overwhelmed and confused
Borderline with self pity
Manic then stuck in bed subdued
I didn’t have the will and fight in me
Believing the Bipolar means I’m crazy
Believing the stigma put forth by society
Numb as they said they’d always medicate me
No matter the pills I couldn’t escape the depression, mania, and anxiety.
Heard the same thing hurt Robin Williams.
I kept wondering if that’s eventually gonna be me
because I believed these demons are what killed him.
A light came on though –
an icon wouldn’t let Bipolar bring her down.
Truly honest, unafraid, happy, and so bold.
She stood on solid ground.
Dear Carrie Fisher
death can’t take away your legacy
you’ll forever be
more than “Star Wars” – your voice still is heard.
Your head on collision with Bipolar
and demonstrating to “bring it on”
showed me my life wasn’t over
In this I can become strong.
Until you all that I had seen
was others succumb to it
but you made it seem
that I could do this.
Yes, I still kept quiet
but watched you be a voice for me
It made me proud in silent
I can’t admire you any more than now for sharing your story.
In any and every interview you were honest.
You led by example and truth
Yea you got this
but it didn’t stop you from being you.
Once articulating the ups and downs are like
“one is the meal the other a check”
Your beautiful insight
“There’s no room for demons when your self possessed”
Thank you Carrie for your fight.
Thank you your charisma
Thank you for getting me to look inside
and now head on face the Bipolar and stigma.
No longer living in shame.
I’m gonna be open and honest –
My resolution in your name
because even at the very end you showed me I got this.