Calling Back

Calling Back

Calling back the Spirit
Calling back the Spirit
I never wanted to be anywhere near it
Though I knew I should
I used to fear this
feeling in my core
It’s the weirdest
but I know I don’t want to hurt anymore
Calling back the Spirit
Calling back the Spirit
I could only feel my ego
Thought I was but couldn’t see the eagles or the people
Knew everyone but myself were equal
Self loathing; I was below it all
I didn’t deserve happiness at all
Every time I slipped I knew I deserved to fall
Nobody catch me, not all.
Calling back the Spirit
Calling back the Spirit
When my brother died I felt so worthless
Nobody existed now that made me feel worth it
I went numb to forfeit
So damn depressed I got nervous like what the fuck is my purpose
if I’m not worth shit
So damn hard to listen to his voice
I know now that was my choice to cut out the noise because I was annoyed
Annoyed with my self
Held it down like everybody else
Too much of an ego to ask for help
I was all by my god damn self
Calling back the Spirit
Calling back the Spirit
I don’t want to hurt
So I let go all the pain
Told myself it was well deserved
Let go all the pain
But
I don’t deserve to be numb
I don’t deserve to give up
I don’t deserve flashbacks
to my attacks
Because I was now attacking me
It felt so naturally
To dwell on the tragedies
I let it go so it didn’t happen as bad to me.
Calling back the Spirit
Calling back the Spirit
I feel it deep in my chest
Sharing space with my heart
It’s physical and content
Nobody but me can tear it apart.

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