Won’t Relapse

I need to relax

take a deep breath, see back

and see past

the blurs that occur

every single relapse

with the “what ifs” that take me back

drinking away the pain

wondering if you’d do the same

can you hear me when I call your name?

I feel… I feel I need a drink

it’s the gray days that make me overthink

I just want to say some things

but can’t quite get it to articulate

so I just want to drink it all away

because I can cry every day

get ink all over my skin

beg and pray

there’s no bringing you back again

there’s not many more things painful

than saying rest in peace

to someone you had already called your Guardian Angel

As the tears swell up

and I’m feigning to get drunk

I look up & see an eagle above

soaring through a song

more overwhelming than I could think of

So I take a deep breath in

put out tobacco & pray again

put out a spirit plate

put the liquor away

still can’t quite articulate

what I want to say

but I burn sage

burn sweet grass

let me find serenity from being released from a deceived past

Determined this time around

Determined not to let you down

Determined not to let myself down

Now that my eyes are clear & I can see around

I can appreciate everybody who stood around

waiting and helping me get off the ground

back to standing on my own two

I still owe you

from another world pulling me through

as if you were still here in the physical

as painful as it is there’s so much strength knowing you’re in the spiritual

looking out for us when situations get critical

Daily occurrences aren’t just coincidental but absolute miracles

So I see back and see past…

Hear you laugh & begin to relax

I won’t relapse.

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