Emotional Masochist

Someday I’ll receive a peace of mind
Convincing you more than me it’ll be just fine
I just got to sleep & ease my mind.
Release the stress I see that’s mine
It’ll be just fine I just need some time
Need to feel depressed
Truth be told it might be when I feel the best
Just the normal feeling in my flesh
Self-loathing on my chest
A scar unbecoming
But I’ll tell you one thing
I do feel at peace when the pain is numbing.
Can’t feel reality or escape to fantasy
Stare up at the ceiling fighting back tears of the tragedy.
Survivor’s strategy.
I’d rather be
feeling nothing then to continue to flip out
and live in such self-doubt.
Either way I’ll never see around
leaving the house
so why take the pain of feeling hopeless
when I can numb my mind from the focus
and pray to God nobody happens to notice it’s more than mopin’
An emotional masochist if such a person exist.
Maybe I hang on too much to this
but I’m terrified of what I’ll forget.
I feel like this sorrow is something I can’t easily quit.
Still I wonder if I’ll ever find that peace of mind
instead of handing over a piece of mine
I just need something to ease my mind.
Maybe then I’ll be just fine.

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