Never Feel My Pain

Song I wrote when I was 16 or 17… I wish I could’ve crafted the track because it didn’t turn out as I imagined it but it worked… Depressed teenager but it’s good all things considering… Verbatim 

1986 the 12th of September
It’s the day Pain and Infamy shall live forever
The day Being and Darkness collided together
A day you thought time could only get better
But naw muthafucker my life only intensified 
Every tear and sweat of blood I’ve dropped just dried
IV’s, medicates, my screams, repression could never take
In the middle of the night I awake
But the horrifying nightmares only escalate 
And every time my Being realizes its fate
My reality escapes to a place only Painkillers can create.
Bad days after weeks, month after years
No matter how hard I try, nobody really cares
Lying awake in hospital rooms
Crying in the depths of deep pain and solitude 
Realizing it’s not worth pulling thru
Why should I? Go could expain
And y’all could never feel my pain.

Naw, never feel the pain
How you look to the sky with tears in your eyes
and it starts to rain
Day in, eternity out, it’s the fuckin’ same
Naw you could never feel my pain
A dark lonely heart badly strained
Crisp cold solid blood flowing throughout your veins
Living wishing to be slain
Naw, you could never feel my pain

People say I walk with a chip on my shoulder
Then my neck must be carrying the boulder
Because I can feel it breaking at any moment
And that’s fucked up because my life and heart are already broken
You think I don’t it, but I know I’m an inconvenience
to everyone’s bein’
Havin’ y’all see me cryin’ and screamin’
stressin’ and Bleedin’, exposing my weakness
Shits aoutta the bag you know my secrets
I can’t explain what’s going on inside of me
Pain erupts violently, I try to soak it up silently
As I continue to be bashed by society
But fuck it’s just me against the world slippin’ and falling
with my shoulders feeling salety and scraped
My neck bruised and burdened with weight
I swear my skull’s tryin’ to escape
Everything from my back, spine, waist, ankles, feet, knees and legs
don’t know how to stay awake
If I never had to reawake I’d do the same
You can never feel my pain

Naw, never feel the pain
How you look to the sky with tears in your eyes
and it starts to rain
Day in, eternity out, it’s the fuckin’ same
Naw you could never feel my pain
A dark lonely heart badly strained
Crisp cold solid blood flowing throughout your veins
Living wishing to be slain
Naw, you could never feel my pain

Shoved in hospital closets
Screaming my lungs bloody askin’ where God is
3 years old with no other option but hellucinate in darkness
Pinned down locked in, forced to take medicine
The struggle never ends
I never figured out what I did to deserve this
I always tried seein’ deeper than the surface
But you tryin’ that when everyone’s gawkin’ while you’re hurtin’
Built another tolerance but nobody believes this medicine ain’t workin’ 
Go to sleep in convulsions awake in spasms
So fuckin’ frustrated I only speak sarcasm
Anti, hostile, my life, or jist another tantrum
Talk to my shrinks and ask them
I drove all of them outta their minds
So hopeless and lonely I begged to be confined
Scream, laugh, think, and cry at the same time
And like my entire life nobody’s at my side
Shrinks and counselors all told me I was a hostile old soul
Who’s mind’s outta control, no place to turn and go
So alone I stroll
Everyone says I’m deep or patronizingly unique
Though they never give me a chance to speak
But whatever kindness and a college degree
mean nothing to me
If you don’t care don’t bother
Just let me be
If I’m insane, I’m insane
Cause you cold never feel my pain

*Hellucinate is a word I coined…  

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s