Christmases Ruined

 

You were finally being the dad I wanted you to be.
You joked, talked, and were close to me.
All the times you’d leave
and I wouldn’t see you for weeks
were all washed away
because of all the laughs we had yesterday.
But today you picked up the drink.
I don’t know what to think
My heart’s broken.
All the time I was hoping
this would be the moment
you wake up and start coping.
But here we are again.
I shouldn’t be surprised
I should’ve known it within
that you haven’t realized
or rather not care that what you’re doin’
bring back all the Christmases you ruined.
How could I be so stupid
I thought you couldn’t honestly do it
I mean, you have the strength
but you’re a hostage to the drinks…
I honestly don’t know what to feel or think
but I know for now I have to keep you at arm’s length.
I can’t see anything but the drunk
ripping the house up.
Mom yelling enough is enough
then telling us be thankful we didn’t have it so rough.
I used to see you as tough… the toughest
I got older and decided myself what enough is.
If anyone can understand, dad, I can.
All the days that I could hardly stand
because of the liquor bottle in my hand…
I get it, I understand.
I know you can do it if you put your soul into it
Until then
All I can see are the Christmases you ruined.

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