Disease’d

We’ve lived together more than half my life
I woke up one day and you were by my side
Like a lover just discovered you took over my mind
than you did the pain you’d provide.
But 2 times I’ve been to Ghana
and Washington twice
You caused me great loss and trauma
but I took control and now call you MINE
You’re MY bitch
We switched and when you quip
I’m prepared for it –
You, I’ve gotten so used to
I got power from you too
got a chance to see who’s who
and I owe it all to you!

I shook like never before
Bowed my head down to the floor
Shook I’d never see him like before
I got dizzy like never before.
The only thing that helped me maintain
would cause me great pain
I screamed at the top of my lungs
Stayed in bed for days giving up
Paced back and forth – stuck
Been unable to sleep for days, it’s too much
You disgust me; I disgust you
I gotta discuss me; I gotta discuss you
I vividly see what you put me through
but vaguely see what I should and shouldn’t do
You,I’m getting so used to
I’m going take power from you too
got a chance to see who’s who
and I owe it all to you!

You’ve become math –
I’ve always hated that subject.
You gave me a crutch to the past
and future misjudgment.
You excelled with manslaughter
From then on you were my water.
All any one could say “she’s her father’s daughter.”
He couldn’t be prouder
I made Dean’s List and did good
Doing what I should.
I showed up in the library with you
Friends laughing because I’m acting like a fool
Laughing numb there was nothing we couldn’t do
Raped as you watched
Came to and felt shot
You didn’t seem shock
Like you prepared it to happen
You started to escalate our pattern
More and more I justified hanging out
We numb ourselves but when I try to take a different route
and kicked you out
You kept showing up
Yelling that it was “just us”
And how numb was I to opt out of feeling numb
Over and over you became an abusive lover
You’d beat me and convince me a depressant was an upper
Numbness kept me in comfort
2/22/11 it finally struck
There no longer can be an “us”
No matter who brings you up
I gotta remain strong
You gotta be gone
because I’ve been gone
for far too long
So you, you don’t belong
at least not to me…
I watch my father and you
and can see the horrors you do
You, I’m use to
but I took power from you too
got a chance to see who’s who
and I owe it all to you!

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