Corners of My Mind

From the corner of 
lost love and trust
The only way to describe it is it more than sucks. 
Every curse word and definition of hate comes up. 
Literally physically and spiritually nauseated 
Holding onto the soul before they take it
So twisted and mistaken 
Looking for replacements 
because there’s this urge to bounce
submit and quit I’m out
I look around seeing so many let me down when I thought they’d understand what it was all about
but now there’s this dark cloud 
for forty hours a week 
I put tobacco out praying I’m not weak 
Smudge in every medicine relieve me from the pain and negative 
Help me believe this isn’t about me
but about the weak 
The hypocrites and belittlement
They’re not gonna get taking a stand
Hanging out with my values is the only demand 
I shake my head – they don’t understand 
Though I wish they did 
because I gotta admit 
They were people I looked up to before all this shit. 

I wake in the corner of my mind 
Nothing feels fine 
but it’s a lie
I control how I reply
Take control of my reactions
Breathe deep and follow my passions
On the corner of the page I write a new passage
and ask this:
Why is it I gotta rattle cages 
Why am I threatened to be replaced when 
I stood up so nobody had to face this 
but I don’t get how they turn around 
purposely ignore me and aren’t down
Scared to admit they were proud 
when I committed the profound 
They’d never stand up to what I did
They’re hobbies not values to them
Which I don’t get… 
How can you preach when you’re so out of reach? How can you teach when you can’t reach? 
I gotta see you as weak
As I deal with this forty hours a week
And I wish I didn’t speak 
to someone who could turn so simply mean. 
Never would I had believed I could be that deceived – that naive. 
No wonder they look down on me…

From the corner of my eyes 
I have tears to wipe
because I can’t fight
the pain deep inside 
How am I supposed to react
to the turning of so many backs 
Being betrayed and attacked
while I’m sure they laugh
but I try not to think about that
There has to be something fucked up in their lives to not be able to at least say good morning or hi, once smiling in my face like everything’s fine. 
Damn what a lie. 
I don’t get how you don’t mind 
taking someone down by surprise 
Fuck, I am a sovereign life
trying to get by 
but now I have tears in the corner of my eyes. 
Wishing I never knew, especially you, at all 
but I’m not gonna let you be my downfall
I’ve been here before; I thrive when my back’s against the wall
Kick me around some more
I just smile like I have a secret 
and no intent to keep it 
But I’m not that type
as I wipe tears from the corners of my eyes
I look at especially you completely hurt, confused and surprised
Now I put you behind the furtherest corner of my mind 

On the corner of the page I scribble “they can all go to the corners of Hell.” and help themSelves.

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